60 things I've learned in 59 years.

A few years back I wrote a "50 things I've learned in 50 years" email and sent it out to all of my email friends. Seemingly well received, I have thought of it over the past few years and realized how some of it was quickly "dated" and other simply, well, general knowledge (as in---duh!)
So with the quickening pace of our lives and the connections made via social networks, etc, I thought I would have another go at it and even "push" the learning to include the extra "one more" to my 59 years and round my "learning's" off to 60.
(with a small disclaimer----some are my ideas, others acknowledged quotes. Some repeated metaphor and other plain old cliche---simply learned or reminded of again. My apology where needed....)

1. "I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now that I should have been more specific" (Lily Tomlin)
2. In every business there is that one person who instinctively "gets it" and knows exactly how to make that specific business run smoothly and successfully. This person MUST BE fired.
3. Every line you stand in then becomes the longest.
4. There are certain days when you are invisible. Cars pull out in front of you, people cut in front of you in line and others ask questions and then ignore your response. Accept it, have fun with it and your day will be better for it.
5. You MUST decide at some point if what you are doing is a "hobby" or a "business" and proceed accordingly.
6. No matter how much fun YOU are having, the Beverly Hills Police department does not see the humor of you skinny dipping in the city fountain....and it does not matter one bit if your swimming "companion" is a Los Angeles Rams cheerleader.
7. "I don't like money much, but it calms my nerves." (boxer Joe Louis)
8. Women believe that all men are psychic.
9. Nobody is "normal."
10. If there are truly UFOs out there that have traveled from far off distant galaxies with their obviously superior intelligence to see what WE are up to, I can guarantee you that they do not need running lights on their space craft.
11. It is not where you live or what you've got but who you are that's important.
12. Dogs never lie about love.
13. "Eating food before going shopping for groceries helps prevent you from purchasing unnecessary items. This theory DOES NOT work with alcohol" (comedian Gallager)
14. Time does not heal ALL wounds.
15. You never know the amount of time you have with any friend and the length of time simply does not matter. Some are with you your whole life and others gone in minutes. Cherish them all.
16. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.
17.There is no such thing as "Fettucini Alfredo" in Italy.
18. A crazy person without money is just "crazy." A crazy person who is wealthy is "eccentric."
19. In one way or another everyone lies.
20. In most cases nothing is as bad as you allow yourself to imagine it to be.
21. For some people, no matter what you do, it is never enough.
22. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are actually telling you that they have no sense of humor whatsoever.
23. Patience is one of the greatest teachers.
24. "The hottest fire burns down to smoke and ash" (Joni Mitchell)
25. Play a round of "white shorts" (naked)golf with your buddies on the back 9 of the Death Valley golf course (called "white shorts" because after a few days in the desert sun and from a distance, it appears that you have white shorts on, when you actually have nothing on)and anyone seeing you will laugh it off as "guy stuff." Do this alone and they'll think "perve" and probably have you arrested.
26. A person that is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.
27. The differences between men and women can sometimes be summed up by simply changing a few words of a phrase. For example----when telling a story about doing some seemingly crazy "guy thing" (like using a canoe to go down a ski run at night)most women would react with "WHY would you do such a thing?" Whereas most men would say "WHEN can I do such a thing?"
28. No matter what you are told by the latest expert concerning health issues---diet, disease control, medicine, treatments, etc---1 to 2 years from now the information will be proven false---and then THAT will be proven false---and so on and so on.
29. All religions are basically the same----and feel that the others are wrong.
30. Everything in life is a choice.
31. Letting things go in your life brings new things to you.
32. There IS a very defined difference between a "hassle" and a "f#ck up." Brother in law Frank was always apologizing for being such a "f#ck up." Brother Dave would say, "You're not a f#ckup Frank, but you can be a hassle." Frank finally asked, "What's the difference?" Dave gave it some thought and replied, "Let's say you're in your car. It's a hot summer day. You're late for an appointment. Your AC does not work and you are stuck in a long line of traffic because up ahead, a car is on fire on the side of the road---that's a 'hassle'." Frank nodded his head and said, "OK, and what's a 'f#ckup'?" Dave said, "Your car is the one that's on fire."
33. There is no book or information available to help you deal with a girlfriend who, over dinner in a fine restaurant, loudly announces that she is, in fact, an entity from another universe. (I did try to "diffuse" the situation a bit by saying that I didn't care if she was an alien from another planet. Was she enjoying her dinner? She angrily glared at me and said, "I'm NOT one of those crazy people that thinks they are some kind of alien creature from another world----I SAID I WAS AN ENTITY FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE! oh, OK----check please!)
33. Everyone, at some point, has not been able to resist name dropping. (I LOVE this famous old quote---"At lunch the other day, I overheard the Queen remarking how she dreaded meeting with the Pope because all he ever wants to talk about it Pete and Paul.")
34. "I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes." (my buddy Leigh)
35. There will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now when the Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms in the Middle East will be bitter enemies. (Leigh)
36. The U.S. Constitution states that you are innocent until proven guilty. UNLESS you fit the "profile", "scenario", "type", or "image." Then you are SCREWED!
37. What makes complete sense one day will not the next. Accept this and your life will be easier.
38. The true gift of becoming a "celebrity" is not the fame and fortune. It is that it allows you to say and do things that no ordinary person could ever imagine doing and/or being allowed to do with out being arrested or ridiculed. It is the true "magic wand." This perception would warp anyone.
39. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust but it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
40. No one knows the joy when you create. It is your own special thrill.
41. When, in life, you are given the "green light"----GO!
42. The kindness, compassion and understanding of friends is the greatest gift you will ever receive.
43. Metaphorically---every once and a while you have to let the badger (wild thing) out of the cage.
44. "Fortune favors the bold" (Vergil)
45. No matter what happens, someone will take it too seriously.
46. Beware of the smiling man during a fight.
47. Hand signals in one country are NOT the same in another. Such as---a "thumbs up" here is basically "sit and spin on it" elsewhere. Be careful out there!
48. Explaining why you do things the way you do to someone else is a huge waste of time.
49. Your friends love you anyway.
50. Shut up and go with it. (Learned in Italy when a little old lady came up to me at a train station and rattled off question after question to me --in rapid Italian---obviously about the train schedule and ????? I nodded, agreed in my limited Italian, smiled, patted her on the shoulder when she said "gracie" and we both went on our way. She was happy, I was happy and all was well.)
51. In China, it is the year 4708. Think about THAT the next time the "Mayan Calendar/2012" conversation pops up. I'm sure the Chinese were rolling around in laughter on the ground when we "Western Civilization" folks were getting all wound up about the change of the millennia.
52. Magic happens.
53. Every amazing new diet out there adds one very simple "and" to the diet plan. It is ALWAYS there and is the key to losing weight no matter WHAT different food you eat----"AND make sure you add some daily exercise to your diet." EVERY change to your metabolism will, over a 2 week period, make you lose weight while your body adjusts to the new "program." Mix that in with some new exercise to "ramp up" your calorie burning and, OH MY GOD, I've lost some weight!
54. You CAN do it! It is all up to you.
55. There is no "failure"---every attempt or experiment provides an answer. Consider the Duckbilled Platypus----a mistake or??????
56. Being weird isn't enough.
57. You cannot possibly "jinx" an event by watching it or not. NO ONE has that kind of power.
58. The 1000+ "friends" you have on Facebook are not your friends. Want to know how many friends you have? Tell them you're moving and need some help. (Jimmy Fallon)
59. The media IS in charge!
60. "and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"(Paul McCartney)

Alphonse Mucha and "Only the Lonely"

My Mother was dying. I had gone to visit her some months before and had numerous talks and reminiscences. At the time of that visit, it had some how not registered that she would soon be "gone". She had beaten cancer twice and had always "been there" and seemed to still be strong and her usual self. But, since my visit, it had become very clear that she was not going to rally this one last time. So. In one of those odd moments in life when you really should probably not plan anything, I, of course, for reasons that I cannot recall, scheduled an extended trip. Some business in Las Vegas. Continuing on to Richmond, Virginia (via Washington DC) and then my annual visit to Oregon for the Oregon Country Fair. The Richmond part of the trip was to visit an old high school pal and, in particular, to visit the Virginia Fine Arts Museum. I had studied all forms of Art history and different styles and periods. Though I have a very good understanding of why and how different Art forms evolved---and particularly how each style fit each era, I found that there were certain types of art that "struck a chord" with me. Something about a particular genre "fit". One of those was the Art Nouveau movement of the early 1900's. The fluidity and free form organic styling of the artists of that period, seemed to me to be almost improvisational. Funny that the beginnings of Jazz were from around that era---a similar fluid art form. Through research, I had been surprised to find that the Virginia Fine Arts Museum had one of the finest Art Nouveau collections in the USA. My trip, therefore, had turned into a strange combination of friendly visit, art research, and art fair. All with a bit of soul searching thrown in---a type of artistic spiritual journey.

The trip into Washington DC was really only because of the "open legged" type of fare that I had purchased. "DC" was cheaper than flying directly into Richmond and I thought it would be an interesting bonus to the trip to take the train from National Airport (a station was just walking distance from the terminal) down to Richmond. After boarding the train and settling in to a window seat, I was able to sit back and relax and watch the countryside roll past. As we moved south, away from the "city" views of the nation's capital, I began to realize that I knew these names of small cities from my history books----in particular, the names of Civil War battle fields. The railroad went along through these little stations much as it probably did in the days of the Civil War---following the same tracks and routes.

In Richmond, over dinner with my friend and a friend of hers, I spoke of my interest in Art Nouveau and how I was looking forward to the museum visit. They were very much aware of the museums collection but seemed a bit surprised by my enthusiasm for this particular era. They both mentioned "You need to meet Lester. We'll have to see if we can go to a dinner at his house. You'll be amazed at his house and furnishings" OK, I thought, for whatever reason that seemed necessary, they didn't feel the need to explain further and I was open to whatever ,so---let's do it!

My visit to the museum the next day was all that I could have wished for!

One of the most amazing things for me about the Art Nouveau period was the partnering of different artists from different media of the period---especially the combined talents of Alphonse Mucha---known for his wonderful advertising posters and imagery --and George Fouquet--noted jewelry designer and enamelist. Their combined efforts utilizing Mucha's imagery and floral touch with Fouquet's technique and talents with enamel and organic materials created some of the most amazing and ethereal jewelry ever seen---to this day! The boutique/showroom designed by Mucha for their jewelry at the Paris Exhibition of 1900 was one of the featured delights of an Exhibition that has not been equalled since. The complete showroom can be seen ---reconstructed--at the Musee Carnavalet in the Marais district of Paris. It is, quite literally, breathtaking.

I spent a day wandering around the VMFA (mostly empty and all to myself) and was able to stand in front of Mucha original lithographs for some time---reveling in his technique and genius. The portrayal of classic scenes----such as his separate panels for The Four Seasons---and the inspired interpretation of the flowing hair of the "Job" cigarette paper girl pictured here was even more amazing in the original colors as opposed to the final paper advertisements. He had taken the style of the Pre-Raphaelites with long flowing hair and diaphanous gowns and transformed it into a style of poster that had not been seen before. Advertising posters had previously contained mostly "copy" with maybe a small sketch to portray the item being marketed. Mucha turned it completely around and used an image to portray what it may feel like to use the product.

The next day, it was announced, we (my friend and hers, again) were to journey out into the Virginia countryside to have "supper" at Lester's house. I was informed that he lived out in his family home---in the middle of nowhere--quite some distance away from Richmond "In more ways than one!", they laughed. "His southern drawl takes some getting used to, "one of them said, as we drove away from the city. "Just don't take his "Yankee" digs too personally. It's just him." Hmm. Just what I needed. "Yankee?", I thought. A smartass Southerner . Oh well---we'll see. After numerous wanderings and turnings we pulled up a long drive to a green version of the house pictured here---

A mossy green with a willow tree off to the right---with a cluster of people sitting in chairs around a barbecue pit & table.

As we pulled up and started to get out of the car, an average height man with sandy blond hair and a white stripped shirt tucked into old faded jeans came walking over. He greeted the "gals" and then came over to me and said "Yur that fella from Hawaii, right? Imagine that. ALL THE WAY FROM HAWAII! ", he yelled over his shoulder to the other folks around the table. "What ya drainkin?" he asked as he put his arm around my shoulder and started walking us toward the table. "Oh, how about some red wine, " I said. "How about some bourbon?" he said.""Ahh, sorry, not much of a bourbon man. How about a gin & tonic?" "How about some bourbon?" he said ---hugging me tighter to himself. "OK, with coke?" I offered. He gave me a quick hug and leaning into me, very quietly, said "Yur funny." "How about on the rocks?", I said. He reached over and grabbed a glass and handed it to me while pouring a brown liquid out of a jar into it and said, "I like you already!"

And so began an evening of "southern charm" like I had never witnessed before. Lester had a very dry, joking manner---mixed in with that slow drawl---and a big grin--- always a hint of malice in his tone. He kept everybody laughing with his tales and joking but there was always that hint of a threat. Suddenly, everything changed when my friend explained that I was there---while my Mother was dying in Detroit. He stopped and looked at me for a long minute with his head kinda tilted to the side. To dispel what I felt might be a false judgement, I said "We had a talk and she made it clear she didn't want a bunch of us standing around while she died. So, I'm here!" Everyone sat there and looked at me for a LONG pause, until he said, "Cumon---I got sumppina show ya" We went into the house and down a back hallway was a very thin, steep stairs leading up to a darkened second floor. He said "Comon'" and led us up this tiny little stairs. At the top, he turned right and switched on a light and there---for about 2/3 of the space of the 2nd floor----was what could only be described as a Victorian style sitting room with the most amazing Art Nouveau and Victorian furniture! All arranged like a stage set. The most amazing cabinet with woven vine motif and bevelled glass. Rolled back sofa and chairs in a polished black horsehair. A gorgeous brass 6 ft tall Art Nouveau birdcage. Not a speck of dust. And there, hanging on the wall behind a pleated cream colored silk sceen, were , two Alphonse Mucha panels. They were faded a little but quite obviously NOT paper advertisements. These were original lithos! "These are---wonderful!", I exclaimed. "Ohhh, this was my Mamma's favorite room. She spent all of her time in here---I didn't have the heart to change it since she passed", he said, "and the stairs was too small to drag anything down anyway". We "ooohed" and "awed" at the whole thing. I kept looking at him and he was watching me the whole time----like he was gauging my reaction. "Here---I got summin else" he finally said. We stepped down across the landing and then up over a high door sill into the room across the hall and walked into what amounted to a Civil War museum. "THIS!", he announced, "Was my great-granddaddies" And there------also preserved perfectly ----was a Confederate flag on the wall. And a perfect cavalry saddle. Boots and jacket. Swords crossed on the wall beneath a painting of a Confederate officer. (I assumed his fore bearer) "Here," he said (with a wink) "Let me show you somethin" and out of a saddlebags side pocket, he pulled a leather packet that was FULL of Confederate currency! Full as in about 12" long by the same wide and stuffed with neatly tied packets. "Here," he cried, while tossing me another, "I got six of them in all." A desk with a pile of brown faded papers--not newspapers---what looked like correspondence ---"Those have not been touched in over 120 years" he said. I was stunned---but also a bit wary. This was an odd cache. And equally strange to stepped into this dual timewarp here in, what I had never thought of, the Confederate south!

We all headed downstairs and I said I'd like to go for a walk before it got completely dark. I wandered away from the house and down to the left along a dirt trail. Off to the left, over the top of some tall vegetation, a big yellow full moon was rising through the mist and fog forming around the tops of the plants. "That there's tobacco" I heard him say as he came walking up behind me. "Beautiful" I said, "My Mother would have liked that!" "You can see it for her," he said, looking down at his shoes as we walked along. We turned around at a corner fence post and, as we started to walk back up the road toward the house, a man was coming down toward us walking between 2 big draft horses. As he got closer in the fading light, I could see that he was a black man with a straw hat on. "Mr. Lester? I'm done and was jus goin to put them away for the night." "This here'z Tommy, " he said---leaning in close to me with a low chuckle "Jus like you!"(that menace there again)"His family's been aworkin with mine for-a -a LONG time----ain't that right Tommy?" "Yes, sir" Tommy said----with a long slow look at me ----then at Lester----then he walked away. Lester must have sensed that he had played that game a bit hard----so he said---"Here. Here's somethin you can tell yur Mamma about" and picking up a beachball up off of the lawn, rolled it forward into the 1ft tall grass of the lawn coming down from the house. And a cascade of fireflies flashed out of the grass on either side of the oncoming ball-----like something out of a Disney Fairy movie. "This is ALL something she would not believe if I DID tell her about it," I thought.

We found everyone else inside the house. Lester said "I hear you're quite the singer" and before I could stammer something about "well, you know, I kinda use to...." he said "Sit down, I got something to show you," and suddenly, there on the TV, was Roy Orbison---performing in his "Black and White Night" concert! I had never seen this video and was simply amazed at the great performance and all the great musicians singing and playing with him. I had gone, with my brother Dave in his 1950 Oldsmobile, to see Roy at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium in LA some years before. That astonishing voice coming out of this simple plain man was hard to believe. And now here we were, sitting watching an equally amazing performance.

As Roy began to sing "Only the Lonely", I gestured with my left hand toward one of the fellow performers , when Lester, sitting in a chair to my left, quickly reached over, grabbed hold of my hand and said "Here's your song! Listen, listen." And with his eyes closed and tears steaming down his face, held onto my hand in a death grip through the whole song. The was getting a bit weird and as the next song "In Dreams" began with "I close my eyes. And I drift away. Into the magic night, I softly say, a silent prayer, like dreamers do, as I fall asleep and dream, these dreams of you. IN DREAMS! I WALK, WITH YOU!!"

OK! I yanked my hand away and thought "This has been one of the most bizarre evenings I have ever experienced"

We said our goodbyes and headed out the door. As we drove away, I shook myself like a dog shaking off water. I felt like I was coming out of a weird dream filled with fireflies, and misty moons and the amazing imagery of Mucha with a touch of "The South will rise AGAIN!" thrown in.

I didn't get the chance to tell her all about it before she passed away but I know my Mother would have loved my southern tale.

The Promise.

With the coming new year, I announced to my sweetie Diane that I was sick of this horrible economy that I was caught up in and I was going to "lighten up" my life and sell off all of my old "stuff." "What do you mean 'all of your old stuff'?", she asked. I said, "You know---the hundreds of vinyl Lp's, the 30 or so old rock posters, my 4 guitars, all the excess stuff--even 'The Costume'. Everything!"

"NO! You can't sell your costume."she said. "That was the most romantic evening of my life! You don't mean it, do you?" and, of course, started to cry.

Well....................

She said, "We got into that power launch, with the torches in the back, after all of the crowds had stopped and watched us walk by, and as we backed away from the dock in front of the Palazzo Ducale, you turned to me and smiled and said --"Here we go! Into the Magic!!"

I had "stepped into the magic" of Carnevale in the wonderful city of Venice a few times before, and, after meeting Diane, I had told her "We have to go" ---and there we were. The Venetian version of Carnevale had, like many things in "La Serenissima", faded away into broken memories until being revived by a few determined ladies in the 1990's. My first trip to Venice had been in the Autumn and after seeing the costumes in the shop windows and hearing the tales of the wonderful evenings in palaces on the Grande Canal, I had vowed to return for that unique Festival. The first few times, I had rented the traditional 17th century costumes needed to attend the Balls thrown throughout the city for the week before Ash Wednesday. At first feeling a bit out of place, I had gotten into the spirit of the whole thing. Enjoying the anonymity of wandering around the city in full costume, I had reveled in the history and legends of past Carnevale----and, like everyone else, snuck peeks in the windows of the Florian Restaurant in Piazza San Marco, ogling the most phenomenally dressed participants. Out shopping around one afternoon, I had stopped into one of the most impressive costume stores just days before leaving. Just for fun, I had tried on a number of their "standard" numbers and then was presented with their best costume--right out of the window. I was informed that when La Fenice, the famed opera house had burned down some years before, the store owner had employed the now out of work opera seamstresses. Women trained in the traditions of creating the most amazing costumes for one of the most fabled opera houses in the world. Women who's mothers and grandmothers back through time created the costumes for the grand operas of Venice's own world renowned composers.

and, OF COURSE , it fit.......

During the night before leaving , I had decided that I would make the plunge and put a deposit on the costume that had enchanted me the next day, have whatever alterations made, and have one of the most amazing costumes waiting for me when I returned. Because-----I was totally hooked. I WAS returning. I went by the shop in the hours before I had to catch the launch to the airport and................they were closed! I went back to my room, wrote a note explaining my wishes, and slipped it under the shop door.

After returning home and via a number of international, odd hour phone conversations, the costume was mine.

So------I told Diane all about the need for something fantastic for her, too. I gave her hints and suggestions. Sent photos and referred her to books. Told her what to try for but left it up to her. A Princess? A woman of "The Court"? or, perhaps, a "Courtesan?" A woman using her wiles to possibly ascend to "Court" status. She told me she had put together her own version of what would "work" and I would just have to wait to see.......................

And, in the end, she did a phenomenal job! A combination of parts of skirts and a corset and gloves and, in the end, an amazing mask selected from my dear friend Emmanuela.

And there we were. Slipping into the magic of Carnevale. Off to a grand ball, in fact, THE grand ball---"Il Ballo del Doge"---held every year at one of the most magnificent palaces on the Grande Canal---Palazzo Pisani Moretta.

The launch slowly took us through the darkened side canals, wandering us through the night until pulling out into the main "boulevard" of the Grande Canal, and slowly heading up toward the Rialto and off to our left, the torch and spotlight lit facade of the Pallazo-------------------------

We stepped out onto the pier and walked into the Grand Salon on the lower floor--met there by servants and waiters offering us drinks and snacks while we watched the assortment of performers. A golden man/winged lion version of Venice's symbol come alive, posed on a golden raised pillar. A Doge (or Duke) in full regalia (who I recognized as my friend Maurice) stood frozen in place on a round platform, his silken red robes flowing out behind him. Lit by thousands of candles the 15th century Palazzo was decorated with chamber after chamber of famous wall paneled art painted by Venice's masters including Tiepolo, Guarana, Diziani and more.

Up stairs in the "Piano Nobile" we were assigned a "salon" to sit during dinner and, thankfully joined my friend Dennis Pozzessere---husband of novelist Heather Graham. Dennis and I had met during previous Balls and shared the enthusiasm and understanding of all things Carnevale. Cirque de Sole type performers, a string ensemble playing baroque music , magicians and magic was everywhere. No electricity and all of that candle light mixed in with the Palace itself and everyone in period costumes made for an amazing night. Top that off with a secret balcony overlooking the torchlit Grande Canal with the woman you love and, well, magic happens. We ate and drank and watched and danced and laughed ---marvelled at the tall, pale, gaunt group of "vampires" Dennis spoke to for a time----were dazzled by ALL of the costumes and enjoyed great conversations with wonderful companions. And in the end, after hours of enjoyment, I announced, "We're walking home," and off we went from Sao Paulo ----over the Rialto bridge----down the foggy "calle" and darkened side streets---like wraiths appearing out of the mist and dark and disappearing before anyone could be quite sure what they saw. In full costume with cape flying out behind me and golden cane clacking on the cobblestones, I must have appeared like some dream of olden times to those revelers heading the opposite way, stumbling home in the 3am night. It was cold enough to invigorate us and I knew my way after the previous years visits and late night wanderings, so we had nothing to fear and all to enjoy. All and all, a night out of dreams with enough romance and magic to last a lifetime........

Yes. She was right. I can't sell my costume. There would never be another one like it and it contained all of that ---------wonder!! And so, just like the title of the pendant I gave her as her birthday present that year, "The Promise", I swore that if I had to sell everything to pull myself out of these difficult times, I would NOT sell the costume.

AND! One day, we will go back to Venizia---to spend another night lost in the magic.......